Knock Knock ,Whose there ? : The future

Accepting that your not that young anymore. That is a hard one to swallow.

It should be rather obvious, the passage of time but really it creeps up on you out of know where .You do not see it coming; it is a land in the distant future. Then suddenly your that age you always thought was “old “, for grown ups .The age changes as you get older that’s only natural .When you’re a young teenager, it seems impossible that you will ever be eighteen .Eighteen is a mythical land, were you can literally do anything you want and life will be exciting twenty four seven .Then you finally hit eighteen, and it’s twenty. The fuss I have heard people make about turning twenty. I could quite happily remove an (unnecessary) organ or two to be twenty again .It is really the last birthday that does not have real tinge of getting older, twenty-one is the height of youth .The whole world is waiting for you to attack it. No one is going to bat a lid if your single, studying or decide to waste a year travelling round the world .Your young and that’s what young people do. No one is married, not many people have kids and careers are really something you can put off for a bit. Life can be a party if you want it to be.

Then you wake up one morning and it is your birthday, and you are the wrong side of twenty-five and you think to yourself where did the last five years go? You have done it again; as you have your whole life, forgotten that one day the distant age catches up with you. You are not waiting for sixteen, eighteen or even twenty-one anymore. In a few of these flying years, you are going to the 30 .Thirty. Whose thirty? Parents, teachers, proper adults. Adults who have careers, mortgages and do not get fall down drunk anymore ( well not every weekend ). Kudos if you have all things by the time you can (just about) count the months in until your thirty but what if you don’t.

It’s a consequence of living in the moment ,not being prepared for being older . Let the party slow down? You’ll find yourself spat out into a unfamiliar land. Looking down at yourself and wondering if your clothes are too young, that your drinking too much, that talking about your sexual exploits would be inappropriate. Suddenly needing to do that growing up in double time .The future ,your future it’s now ,in your face like an enormous alarm clock “ ding ding time to grow up now ,parties over sunshine”. I knew I was really getting older when I worked about how many childbearing years I had left .I'm pretty sure I didn't even have a biological clock two years ago.Now she's ( oh it's a woman for sure ) ticking quietly below the surface. She hammers are away a bit more every time someone else drops a sprog .

Age isn’t just a number .I am getting older ,things annoy me that never would bothered me before .The other day I turned down radio 1 and called it a “racket “ ,I had done it before I realized how old I sounded .Teenagers are total aliens ,and I cross the street to avoid them. I don’t understand their words, I DON’T UNDERSTAND THEIR LANGUAGE!? How old am I? This is not good. Seriously, what does Pwned mean? In fact, I know that “pwned “means “owned”, but in my advanced age I don’t understand they can’t just write “owned”. I wonder if we used such ridiculous language, the truth is we probably did and someone was probably writing a blog post very similar to this ten years ago. On windows 98.

“Why are Kids telling me to “talk to the hand” ?,what does this mean ?”

I am aware that I’m not drawing my pension anytime soon ,that is clear but as I said age is relative and right now I’d quite like to get a hold of Bernard’s magical watch .Click it ,stop it ,just a for a little bit .I promise I won’t change things to much or get up to  mischief ,just let me catch up a bit. 

[ While looking for a photo of Bernard's watch ,I found a internet rumour that Bernard had in fact died ,well the actor but I couldn't find out if this was true .If so R.I.P Bernard ,you and queens nose 50p gave my 90s childhood unrealistic expectations of inanimate objects .Cheers ]