Olympic Fever

As were are now four days into the London Olympics 2012 I thought it was about time I had my say . I have been sadly neglecting my little blog ,due a combination of writing other things and the fact I am utterly addicted to watching said Olympics games . I've discovered that is quite possible to watch some form of sport from around 9am to midnight ! Obviously some sports are more appealing than others but then are some that really surprise you . The second day had me enthralled by a road cycling race .The sheer stamina that that both the men and woman possess in this sport was awe inspiring .A few months ago I took my old bike out for short trip to the shops ,I arrived home a sweaty shivering mess complaining that all roads were up hill .The women's road race takes place of 140 km of constant speed .It's no wonder the athletes involved possess thighs like this :

I do wonder where this man buys his trousers? Does he have to wear lycra everyday ? 

Watching are British athletes compete is somewhat of a roller coaster . It's our natural stance to be the underdog , yes were all cheering like crazy at home and in the stands but inside were probably convinced will lose in till the very last second . As it stands at four days in , the Great Britain team have four medals .Not exactly lighting up the medal table but too me they mean more than any dozen golds given to China . It's not hard to discover how the Chinese treat their athletes , machines bred to churn out Gold at the expensive of anything else .If snatching your children away from home at the age of seven ,to subject them to punishing regimes is the way to get gold then I would rather we had a sea of sliver and bronze . Winning a medal is the culmination of years of hard work and dedication to a sport you choose to dedicate your life too In the UK you've got to make that choice for yourself not be forced into it . 

The Olympics is a great time for making you feel a bit of a failure or just plain lazy .Watching it as adult there isn't a lot you can do about it ,perhaps be inspired to go for a swim or a bike ride . What the Olympics is going to do is inspire children who are young enough to be influenced by it .I wish London games had taken place roughly twenty years ago , maybe I would have been inspired to be something .Given that we don't treat our children like the Chinese we need these kind of events to bring children to sport .I'm not quite sure anyone has a made there Olympic swimming début at the age of thirty . If we had a swimming pool near me ,would I go down and see how fast I could swim? to be honest I would be tempted. 

For the time being I'm content to sit on the sofa ,watching as many sports as I can . I draw the line at a few events though .Hockey should have been left with the nasty girls at school ,I can't lose that connection I'm afraid . Water polo was a bit strange and I thought handball was for rainy PE lessons? I am newly converted to cycling , volleyball and basketball which were all much exciting than imagined . 

Now I need to watch some tennis ..followed by some Gymnastics ..then some Eventing ..

Weekend Sunshine.

I always like to see these kind of posts .I tend to be a little too serious when I write here ,which isn't really me. 

1.) Fried eggs from a proper sweet shop ,2.) As near to the as I got to the beach 3.) Gorgeous flower in my Nans garden, 4.) The wilderness  5.) At the pub drinking cider in the sunshine.

Rejoice for summer has finally arrived! haven't we needed it ? I feel like everyone has been walking round more miserable than usual . Now everyone has flung off there winter clothes at last ,apart from the old ladies at bus stop still  in their raincoats . The rest of world was out making the most if it . The beach was utterly packed meaning ,we drove past but couldn't take advantage of it . It's only pebbles ,but I wanted ice cream. Lets hope this last's into next weekend ,we've had enough rain for an entire year! 

Knock Knock ,Whose there ? : The future

Accepting that your not that young anymore. That is a hard one to swallow.

It should be rather obvious, the passage of time but really it creeps up on you out of know where .You do not see it coming; it is a land in the distant future. Then suddenly your that age you always thought was “old “, for grown ups .The age changes as you get older that’s only natural .When you’re a young teenager, it seems impossible that you will ever be eighteen .Eighteen is a mythical land, were you can literally do anything you want and life will be exciting twenty four seven .Then you finally hit eighteen, and it’s twenty. The fuss I have heard people make about turning twenty. I could quite happily remove an (unnecessary) organ or two to be twenty again .It is really the last birthday that does not have real tinge of getting older, twenty-one is the height of youth .The whole world is waiting for you to attack it. No one is going to bat a lid if your single, studying or decide to waste a year travelling round the world .Your young and that’s what young people do. No one is married, not many people have kids and careers are really something you can put off for a bit. Life can be a party if you want it to be.

Then you wake up one morning and it is your birthday, and you are the wrong side of twenty-five and you think to yourself where did the last five years go? You have done it again; as you have your whole life, forgotten that one day the distant age catches up with you. You are not waiting for sixteen, eighteen or even twenty-one anymore. In a few of these flying years, you are going to the 30 .Thirty. Whose thirty? Parents, teachers, proper adults. Adults who have careers, mortgages and do not get fall down drunk anymore ( well not every weekend ). Kudos if you have all things by the time you can (just about) count the months in until your thirty but what if you don’t.

It’s a consequence of living in the moment ,not being prepared for being older . Let the party slow down? You’ll find yourself spat out into a unfamiliar land. Looking down at yourself and wondering if your clothes are too young, that your drinking too much, that talking about your sexual exploits would be inappropriate. Suddenly needing to do that growing up in double time .The future ,your future it’s now ,in your face like an enormous alarm clock “ ding ding time to grow up now ,parties over sunshine”. I knew I was really getting older when I worked about how many childbearing years I had left .I'm pretty sure I didn't even have a biological clock two years ago.Now she's ( oh it's a woman for sure ) ticking quietly below the surface. She hammers are away a bit more every time someone else drops a sprog .

Age isn’t just a number .I am getting older ,things annoy me that never would bothered me before .The other day I turned down radio 1 and called it a “racket “ ,I had done it before I realized how old I sounded .Teenagers are total aliens ,and I cross the street to avoid them. I don’t understand their words, I DON’T UNDERSTAND THEIR LANGUAGE!? How old am I? This is not good. Seriously, what does Pwned mean? In fact, I know that “pwned “means “owned”, but in my advanced age I don’t understand they can’t just write “owned”. I wonder if we used such ridiculous language, the truth is we probably did and someone was probably writing a blog post very similar to this ten years ago. On windows 98.

“Why are Kids telling me to “talk to the hand” ?,what does this mean ?”

I am aware that I’m not drawing my pension anytime soon ,that is clear but as I said age is relative and right now I’d quite like to get a hold of Bernard’s magical watch .Click it ,stop it ,just a for a little bit .I promise I won’t change things to much or get up to  mischief ,just let me catch up a bit. 

[ While looking for a photo of Bernard's watch ,I found a internet rumour that Bernard had in fact died ,well the actor but I couldn't find out if this was true .If so R.I.P Bernard ,you and queens nose 50p gave my 90s childhood unrealistic expectations of inanimate objects .Cheers ] 

Work Hard V Play hard.

Last night BBC three showed another Cherry Healey "how to get a life "documentary. I’m quite the fan of Cherry I think she is pretty cool and always tries anything thrown at her with gusto ( last nights podium dancing, case in point ) .I guess you could say she lives the kind of life I can but dream off ,making documentaries and also having husband and super cute baby. Anyway, enough about my Cherry crush.


 Last night included a host of characters working too hard, playing hard or trying to combine both. The programme struck up many opinions and at some points, I was close to being angry, with the subjects and somewhat with society in general. First up we had a young chap who confessed to working a twenty-hour day, quite how that is humanely possible I was not sure. Imagine my shock when it also was revealed this man was actually younger than I am. The hours were clear to see in his face .Surviving on a diet of red bull and pro plus so you and succeed, how can any one maintain that week in week? I did it once and can honestly say I felt like I was having a heart attack, the heart palpations were terrifying. The pressure to succeed was so great that he risked his health and relationship with his son. At first, I was horrified at his overly intense work ethic but then I questioned myself, where does that come from and why don't I have it? what makes someone push themselves to such extreme lengths. It's all very well earning all that money but were do you see the benefits ? Reap what you sow? Ultimately, he had no plans to change. 

The workplace and finding any work these days is so difficult and competitive that in years to come were going to see more and more people working themselves into an early grave just to get ahead. I am much more in favour of a living in the moment stance to life, it’s all very well working like a dog for the future but how do you know that's even coming? It's a cliché but you really don't know what is round the corner.Also featured were  two sets of people who take this idea to the extreme. The lads who worked on a chicken farm all week, who could really blame them for wanting weekend of glory. When you have an unsatisfying job, you live for your days off and nights out. Without them, there really is nothing left to live for. I really identified with them as I suspect a lot of people would .When I was working long hours in a job that was tedious ,made my head explode with boredom .I spent every moment of my spare time trying to block it out ,making the most of every second that I wasn't there . The boys featured in the documentary took it to the extreme though, spending every penny that for the week in one night. I am sure they could have had a cheaper night out and not apparently starved for rest of the week.

Next up were the glamorous club promoter girls .Girls actually paid to party,it's enforced fun said Cherry . I thought they had a good deal at first, partying five night’s a week for a living. It is a very hollow existence though, how long will they be considered glamorous enough to live such a life? what happens after the fun is over .It didn't stop me feeling momentarily jealous of there life. There is so much pressure to have a good job , work hard to be successful but also have an active social life as well that you can end up burning yourself out .Constantly burning the candle at both ends ,just asks for trouble everyone needs time off eventually .A "super mum" featured last night ,ended up in hospital but I've written nothing about her as she is irritated me so much. There is pride and then there is just showing off " Look I nearly killed myself so I could buy designer shoes " no cares what shoes your wearing in the end ,if your dead! 

Personally ,yes I would like to have more work ethic more get up and go but not at the expense of my physical or mental health. We only get one shot at life ,there are no second chances why spend it chasing impossible goals .Have fun ,work hard but enjoy what little time you have before it's too late.

LOTD : Books glorious books.

I thought I would perk myself up from my rather gloomy previous entry by participating in http://sprinkleofglitter.blogspot.co.uk/  Love of the day ! ( if you don't know who she is ,click quickly she is ace and my favourite blog person / you tube bod ,I want to be her friend in real life ..must stop fangirling now) .Today is books, and given that I'm trying to write one it will be unsurprising that I love reading. As much as I have tried to read the classics I always fall back on a good old chick lit ,I got a tweet back from chick lit queen Jill Mansell recently and almost  wet myself . I'm not sure that my first and favourite book in the world ,ever is actually considered chick lit though .

What an obvious choice I hear you cry! Well firstly I read this way before it was insanely popular and way way way before it was a ( terrible) movie .There isn't a part of this book I don't adore .It's just prefect .Without giving too much away if your one the few people who haven't read it The two characters Emma and Dex hook up on their last day at university and the story follows them for the next twenty or so years. The film butchered this book ,Anne Hathaway was horrific casting in my opinion . I've read all David Nicholls books ,starter for ten is another favourite with a much better film version!

Secondly I'll give a special mention to my most read book . Frivolous easy to read chick lit . I take it in the bath and read it over and over again.

What's new pussycat ? by Alexandra potter 

Girls meet Boy ,moves to London at the drop of a hat ,get's ace new life.

x

No one is Listening :Trying to find your place in world.

Hello is there anyone out there? 

As much as I like to come here and write my little midnight rambles ( it's currently 11.36pm ) I am well aware that I have no place within the blogging community . I've come to the conclusion in my short time out in the real blogging world that is it a very cliquey place . I can't go round befriending the beauty bloggers and expecting them to read my ramble back because I don't write about nail varnish on a regular basis .I can't fit in with the crafters because I was once cried in a design technology lesson I found the sewing machine so hard to use.I'm not good at d.i.y or saving money and I don't have a gorgeous young family I can write about . Short of becoming a prostitute and using this as inspiration I'm lost.

I'm a lost soul really .Both in real life and online .I've always felt like I never quite knew what I wanted or ever found anything I was particularly good at It's like that knowledge ,that power is tucked away in a part of my brain I don't have access too. I hate being asked to name skills or for what I'm good at ,"there must be something " they say when there really isn't . I'm a strong swimmer but I'm not an Olympic athlete , I like writing but I can't spell or produce anything worthy. 

It's incredibly frustrating to have no "niche " ,no thing that you can say "That's my thing " I'm really passionate about that or I'm really excellent ,an expert.My passions are standard not quirky enough. Perhaps by the age of twenty -six I should have got over having no discernible talents . Not that talent is ever really needed to "make" something of yourself now , all you need good looks and a passion for fake tan .Get these and you can make your fortune appearing on reality t.v .Unfortunately my experience of fake tan is minor ,I'm butters and don't come from a recognisable region ie Essex .I even sent a video to audition for Big Brother this year such was my desperation to do something,anything.Fortunately given this years crop of absolute bastards they didn't call me.

Maybe it's being a bastard or bitch that gets you places in life? as they say the nice guy always finishes last . I'm resolutely nice ,I hate falling out with people and confrontation makes me cringe .This is probably why I always end up being walked all over but that is a story for another blogpost . It also means that I back down too easy ,I avoid any kind of feedback because it makes me squirm inside .To give you an idea of how far this reaches with me ,in my entire time at university I never once spoke to a tutor about my work not even my dissertation.I just did the work ,handed it in and accepted the (poor) marks .Such was my fear of having it ripped apart and ridiculed . If I become more hard faced ,pushed myself ,shoved others out the way would I get anywhere in life? If I spammed a 100 blogs praising myself would I suddenly become a success or just highly annoying? 

I wonder if I am totally abnormal ? To feel like there is a space in world waiting for you but you've not reached it. Like your living in parallel universe  somewhere doing the things your meant to ,while the real you sits in your real life totally missing out . The parallel you is there just stuck behind reinforced glass you can't break down. That's reinforced glass made of money issues,missed opportunity and self confidence. 

I'm not getting any younger ,the days and weeks go by faster and faster and I wonder will I ever smash down the glass? Look back myself now and laugh at the "bad times" surrounded by my children and grandchildren safe in the knowledge that everything worked out in the end .I really wish I knew because it would makes things a hell of a lot easier. 

Goodnight .

25,000

Earlier this year and by that I mean May I challenged myself to a task .That task was by no means an easy one.I decided that I wanted to write a book , or as I like to call it a "collection of words".Book seems far too professional and worthy and a story too childlike.I did some research and found out that the average length is 80,000 words Which is hell of a lot of words ,which shouldn't be that shocking but it is .


I've been writing since May and still only just hit 25,000 words but that is an achievement worthy of a blog post . It's double the longest thing I have ever written before ( An extremely dodgy dissertation ).


25,000.


1/4 and a bit .


Let's do this!


I've set a myself a target of Christmas .If I've been writing it for two months and not forgotten about it ,surely I can do this? I don't write every day because I don't have inspiration every day. Simple as that but if only write a few thousand words in a whole week ,I'll still achieve my goal . The goal isn't to actually have anyone read it ,I would never let that happen because I hate criticism of any kind. Perhaps if I thought I'd written a masterpiece ,but let's get real I'm not Jane Austen. I don't want people ripping my writing to shreds.


Now to write the rest of it! 

Olympic Drinking .

Holiday,Random night out,new years,a Tuesday,university,eurovision,another tuesday, mid afternoon in churchyard ..

There isn't a lot as Brits we won't involve Alcohol in , celebrating or commiserating ? Then we better get some booze in . It's just that we take to a different level than are foreign chums .There is the standard birthday ,deaths and marriages .Ever been to a dry wedding reception ? and that awkward bit before everyone has a drink doesn't count apart from show what it would be like minus any alcohol . The speeches ,the dancing without alcohol? just not the same.


Everyone has heard of wetting the baby head ,where did that one come from?  .Then are the secondary reasons for a drink ,wedding anniversaries ,birthdays ,end of academic term/work dos ....All fairly normal affairs.


 Then we get in all manner of other excuses to get hammered.


.Sporting event .. whether you're attending or not .
.Halloween 
.The 4th of July ( when your British,yes I've done this )
.Christmas eve 
.New years eve 
.It's sunny ! lets have a BBQ ! where's that wine! 
. Euro-vision party! 
.Utter Boredom ( Uni anyone?) 
.It's Friday/Saturday/Wednesday..
.Going on holiday airport drinks!
.Just got back from Holiday (depressed ) drinks!
.Hen nights/stag nights
."fuck yeah I'm single " drinking! 
.I've had the shittiest week ever drinking!


The list is pretty endless but today I found a reason that out weighs them all . 

THE OLYMPIC TORCH IS COMING THROUGH MY TOWN DRINKING!?


Oh yes .The lovely citizens of my fair town ,used to the occasion of someone running a flame past them for approximately five seconds to get pissed . By the time it actually turned up ,a drunken man was yelling the immortal drunk chant of "oggy oggy oggy " while standing on a bin .I barely saw the torch myself because a sloshed woman,no spring chicken mind , shoved me out the way while singing " we love *insert name of town* we do " in my ear .Classy .Perhaps our spot outside a pub wasn't the best bet  . 


I'm not adverse to drink ,that's putting it mildly but it does feel like as nation we will literally turn anything into a booze up. 


What's the most ridiculous reason you've had for a few beverages?

50 Shades of Reality.

Recently I did something really silly .I bought to into the hype surrounding something .A book and I think you will gather what one . 


50 Shades of grey. 


Obviously I knew it was a so called erotic novel .I am not a prude so this did not worry me but I wasn't prepared for how utterly farcical the book would be in it's depictions of sex , particularly first time sex . Firstly It takes over a hundred pages before there is any sex at all which I guess is used to create tension of the sexual kind ( It doesn't ). The first hundred pages are spent with Ana our naive heroine apparently ever so  erotically biting her lip a lot and getting unusual "feelings " in her nether regions. I have issues with Ana , she is practically Austen in her utter naivety to the world and sex . This girl is meant to be a 21st century college student ? but she has never a " feeling " down " there ? Do me a favour. Perhaps is it just me inhabiting a world were girls like her simply don't exist that her found so utterly unbelievable. Aside from lacking in any plot ,it simply doesn't flow very well and even from someone with no literary background it was just appallingly written . 


After you have struggled through several chapters of not a lot aside from scenes with Ana and her pointless " tenacious " ( E.L James please find use your thesaurus to find a new adjective ) room mate Katherine who I saw no need for at all other than filler and a rather tenuous meeting with Mr grey .We finally hit the first sex scene and when we find out that ( as if we hadn't gathered already) that young miss Steele is a Virgin .Intact .Sealed .This happens shortly after she is introduced to the sex room called the " red room of pain ". As you do .What do you mean your virginity taker didn't have a sex dungeon ? Your so past it. 


Unsurprisingly this doesn't put Ana off the beautiful Mr Grey and we precede to what can only be described as the most unrealistic lose of virginity in the history of literature ,film or the world itself .I would like to appeal to anyone who as ever remotely had a first time like this one . Now I know it's fiction and the limits can be stretched ALOT, particularly as we know this is an erotic novel but really? I can only describe it as just silly . Silly nonsense The scene waffles on page after after page of flowery language in ,which Ana becomes the most receptive women to ever have sex . He touches her nipple she explodes in ecstasy ,he kisses her foot she is melting on the floor in a pool of hormones. She does more "shattering into a million pieces " than humpty dumpty.


Here I will translate a few passages into real life .


" He hovers over .I am squirming with need " / " He hang overs me ,I worried he will stick in without warning " 

"He Thrusts his finger inside me ,and I cry out .I groan " /While he fumbles in my nether regions he comes clear he needs to cut this fingernails .I groan IN PAIN.


"He kneels and pulls a condom onto this considerable length .oh no will it? how? " Is that it? 


"Oh I want this ..again " is it over yet? please stop your hurting me now .I've done it.


Then she as an orgasm from him banging away at her like a hammer and then she gives a rather expert blow job ,deep throat too of course . If first times were anything like this book then I think may of us would be married to the people we first had sexytime with not trying to hide down the bread aisle in Asda when we see them a decade down the line. As for Mr Grey himself our Handsome male lead , rather than falling in love with this literary stallion I couldn't get past his coldness and saw nothing redeeming in the character.


Then again I'm not a sadomasochist.


Perhaps my lack of previous with " erotic " novels meant I wasn't prepared for this book or it really is as bad as I think.