I put a spell on you.

This is a subject ,that I have always wanted to try my hand at writing about it . It's a sensitive and personal issue ,it's also private to the individual .No one will quite understand it ,unless they experience it's painful wrath. Some ,no doubt will laugh and scorn at those of us who have been there. It isn't a laughing matter.I am not talking about a deadly disease or a crippling disability ,I am talking about Love .The most painful ,heart wrenching confusing kind of them all .The unrequited kind.


From a distance it is easy to ridicule ,condemn these people as bunny boilers and stalkers .In true cases this couldn't be further from the ,imagine you can't even bring yourself to send a friendly Hi to a friend ,because you analysis everyone word you send,terrified that your feelings are obvious in every word you type.That they will brand you ,that they will know.The smallest forms of communication are meet with heart beating panic ,what do I say? how do I reply? do I even reply? will they know? will they care ?

Many would say it isn't love ,if it's one sided .I disagree ,it's often said that it can only really be lust .Lust is fleeting , an intense and physical feeling for someone based solely on physical attraction .Love ,can not be described ,when asked what it is about the person you like so much.It's impossible to answer ,it's just them ,a feeling a vibe however you choose to put it.Everything about them is just seemingly prefect.


It possible to spend infinite amounts of time privately harbouring these feelings ,unable to confess.Perhaps they were already in a happy relationship or you counted them as totally out of your league .Sometimes the dam breaks and you can no longer hide the feelings and it's time to confess .Weather it be ,a drunken outburst or planned purge ,things will never be same again.There are only two options now ,the dream scenario in which they feel the same way or the likely scenario ,they are just your friend and that's the way it will stay.


This when the true pain starts ,hidden feelings always have a small glimmer of hope .You can still dream of your happy ever but then the truth is out and you've got to get on with it ,be mates or say goodbye to them altogether.This is why so many people wait or never confess ,inner pain is better than losing the person all together.You might stop contacting them at all , your going to look like a stalker now .Normal social activities become taboo ,best not text them ,can't post on there Facebook ,can't invite them for a drink .Must keep away .You start to lose them all together and before you know it they have left your life all together.What follows is a period of mourning ,feeling sorry for yourself ,wishing that you could live in alternate universe ,that your Gwyneth Paltrow in sliding doors ( not the one side where she dies obviously ) .That they would only just change there mind.

Over time ,the feelings obviously fade ,once the dust has settled .You might not cry any more ,they may rarely cross your mind .It's only when out of blue a messages arrives or you here word on them,that the little spark ignites again ,perhaps it doesn't burn as hard as it once did but it's still there.It doesn't just switch off ,through time or distance it's always going flicker with that feeling of ..What if ?