Don't grow up it's a trap.

I write to you today from my bed ,why I lie with a monstrous hangover . The proportion of which I have not had for some time .A few years ago when I was much more social active young women ,I drank on far more regular basis and the hangovers were there but not enough to perhaps not start drinking again the next day. I've had some memorable morning afters in lifetime .Throwing up on the bus up the Gloucester road ,spending the entire day on the toilet floor just two examples.

Around 1am after many many drinks I found myself in the kitchen ,with the host basically wailing "I don't want to grow up " at each other .It's some ways that is true . The thing is  I'm not a proper grown up like my old friends are ,with their houses and weddings ,and serious jobs .I'm still a baby ,I'm still the same as I was at eighteen . It's not a case of not wanting to grow up at all ,I'd give my left arm to have those things (literally take it away in exchange for a house? ) . I just don't want to be become middle aged too soon .I still want to do silly things ,and mix my drinks and get terrible hangovers .I'm not ready to sit round sipping wine and discussing house prices . Partly because I'm never going to own a house ,partly because I'm not a lazy middle class cliche.

Someone said to me last night that we , at twenty -six coming up for twenty -seven are already half way through our lives .Half way ?! I was horrified at the thought . For start my life would have to end at 52 ,which is rather tragically early. While I realise that I have "lived a bit" ,had childhood & adolescence and been a young adult I don't feel like my life has even really began let alone half over.It's doesn't take a genius to work out why .I have so many milestones I haven't achieved ,the prospect of my life being already half over is terrifying .Does that mean if you get all you want,what is there left to aim for? I don't know . I guess that is why some people live in contentment with their lot ,while others have affairs or mid life crisis .

I wonder how many more nights there will be like last night . Free to drink ourselves silly ,"the no baby club" everyone one of us still childless .One day the drunken meets up will morph into coffee with sleeping babies in tow .Not for me ,though I'm going stay the same ,perceptually underachieving at simply living a normal life . Then will we simply lose any connection we ever had . People are changing , while I stay the same .I'm peter pan ,only my life is nothing like a fairytale.