Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Monday, 4 June 2012

Politics and chemistry: Friends with benefits




Friends with benefits .Everyone knows what this means. Having that guy or girl at your disposal for no strings attached ‘fun’ .Just two friends having meaningless sex for mutual benefit. It seems like an easy equation on paper, your friends and your single why not do each other a favour. At first it seems like an utterly great idea, hey were both single, were mates how about it? What can possibly go wrong?


Truthfully In practice it can be lot harder than you think.


Firstly choose your partner in crime carefully, how good a friends are you? Could you bear to lose them as a friend should relations go sour? They might have been one of your best mates for years, but when emotions and sex get in the way you could be saying goodbye to a perfectly good friendship for the sake of a quick bunk up. Think closely about what the history between you is, if there are underlying issues between you .Weather it be baggage from a former relationship or emotion issues one of you is bringing to the bedroom. Casual sex isn't the time to be pouring you heart out post coital .In fact don't be  naive to think there is a post coital time in these relationships .


Before you even consider starting a sexual relationship without genuine romantic feelings, be sure to set out the ground rules, who calls who, when is it even appropriate or how often do you want to hook up ?. It can be hard to lose the preconceptions that are given in conventional relationships, there is no obligations to text call or even ask you how your day at work was. When your partner isn’t a close friend you see socially , don’t expect to see your lover any other time but for sex. If you start to text them sweet nothings or call them nightly then you’re not in the right kind of relationship. 


As much as we like to think were all super relaxed modern types who can separate love and sex, it might be lot harder than you think. If one party suddenly decides that they want more out of the situation than just sex, it can be heartbreaking when they are rejected by the unwilling party. It is true is biologically true that girls are wired to connect emotion to sex , more than men no matter how much we may deny it . Be clear from the outset that your friendship will never be the same again once you been their naked nether regions, everything will change from the moment you slip those pants off.

Ultimately don't go into the relationship expecting a happy fairytale ending , the chances are that your not Mila Kunis  or Natalie Portman in those terrible movies ,things could end badly and you have to be prepared to accept the possible consequences . The most important is to have fun ,don't take it too seriously ,for the love of god don't fall in love  and of course be safe ;)


Top tips for successful F.W.B ( I didn't say I was successful but I where I went wrong!)

1.)   If you’re the girl half, never seem desperate. It's not a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. No inane texting or calling . Keep it simple .
2.)   Avoid friends ex boyfriends / Lovers .It more hassle than it’s worth. Plus sharing is pretty gross.
3.) If you start to develop less than platonic feelings .Confess and move on ,save yourself the possible heartache.
4.)   If your not happy and start to feel used (any more than your are) end the relationship pronto. The relationship should be on equal terms


Happy sexytime !












Friday, 27 April 2012

Dirty Great ....

                                                Your little 'black' book?

Nobody, at least I hope not, wakes up one morning and decides to become "easy”. It’s a not conscience decision, unless your a professional which is a totally different matter .It's quite easy to go from naive virgin to 'that girl that goes with anyone '' without even really realizing it. Without really taking in it what you’re doing, or for that matter being affected by it .It took me roughly six months, I’ll say that.

I had a friend at university who kept a log her sexual conquests, impressed by her digital collection I complied my whole paperback version .It was only then that I really thought,’ wow you've got around a bit girl ‘‘, was I horribly disappointed in myself? Did I change my ways? Sorry to disappointed the more chaste but no it didn't in fact I embraced it .You can't change what you've already done ,there is no erase button ( although like everyone ,sometimes it would be useful ) .I have never once felt bad for sleeping around ,why should I ? Perhaps I mix in promiscuous circles but I can't remember ever being looked down for my behaviour .It's always been O.K for men to do it ,we know that debate .These days ,or in the last 10 years that I've been  ''growing up '' it's been increasing acceptable for girls too .At least that is to a certain degree .There seems to be a level with girls ,a plateau you can reach before you've gone too far become a  ''shank'' or super slutty whore .It's O.k. to have a few wild years at uni ,have a few one night stands & a fuck buddy once but start to really racking up those numbers and admit it? Not so much.

And for boys? It's pretty much the same as it ever was.

Take for example two acquaintances of mine ,one male and one female .On different occasions I was informed that they had both had over a 100 sexual partners .I am a liberal kind of girl we've established that ,but my reactions were anything but.

Man whore - '''wow you've been busy, did you take sittings?! One in one out? ''

Girl whore -'' I can't believe it?! Who with?! How did she find them all? Wow that is ridiculous!!'' (Inserts comments out wizards sleeves and clowns pockets*) 

Still now in 2012 it's acceptable for the man to flaunt his sexual back catalogues (I’m excluding the fact we can probably cut the number in half) .Brazenly admit to putting it about on such a scale. The girl in question didn't tell me herself of her triple figure magic number, no it was gossip passed on from a less than discreet friend of hers. Yes, we’ve come a long way in equality between the sexes but sexually were still a little prudish about girls, liking, wanting and going out and having sex when they bloody well want it! 

Time to debunk some myths about so 'whores's and ‘slut’s’.

We do it because were low on self esteem and want to be 'loved' - This is worst myth going ,anyone out there who has ever had a one night stand with stranger ,knows that love & affection that are last things present. We do it because were horny ,the guy is fit and yes in some cases because were drunk .Were no were different from men ,if we want sex were quite capable of getting it without falling in love or getting emotional .Most of the time anyway.

We want to feel attractive - Oh yes ,some drunken chino has decided I'm the one worthy of groping tonight after several rounds of jagerbombs ,shoot me down I'm clearly Megan Fox this evening! Do me a favour.

We've got Daddy issues - This one confuses me no end, what kind of connection is there between paternal love and lust? The mere idea is pretty disgusting.

I know that personally my ''busiest '' years are behind me and I sit here with no regrets. Were some bad experiences along the way?  ,yes there were but everything in life teaches us a lesson for future reference .Even if we need to taught that lesson several times over ! Go out sow your oats or not ,what ever you want to do don't be constrained by what others think is right ,we get to live this life only once Embrace ....and be safe .

Xoxo


*should you come across this blog and not be aware of the term "wizards sleeve”, here is a helpful link to our friends at urban dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wizards+sleeve