Linda!
The curse of the midnight rambling . The more I read about blogging ,the mean I hear that it is serious business and you can't just ramble for while in the middle of the night? well who cares ,who invented the blogging rulebook!
I'm currently lying ,in the dark .I can hear my dad snoring and my face is really hurting .It feels like I have serious sunburn . I have pretty rubbish skin to start with , really dry and a bit spotty .I stupidly decided that I would use some fake tan ( st moriz ,why can't they spell! ) mixed with lotion to perk up my pasty face ( yes that is pasty,spotty and dry ,thanks skin gods! I win!) Unfortunately I have the WORLDS MOST SENSITIVE FACE and now my chin is burning .I tried to do a " sudocrem face mask '' and it felt like I was stabbing my face into a million red hot needles .Sudocrem I tell thee! It's for babies bums! My face is less resilient than a babies arse!
I am such a fail when I comes anything beauty related . Removing my hairy face? ( hairy! check that off the list skin gods! ) I always end with a burning ,bleeding red spotty face and yes I know about water ,and moisturiser it makes no difference .Dying my hair? Well that'll be orange ,or at least patches missed out , usually ones with wiry grey hair obviously sprouting from the top of my head . The terrible facial disaster doesn't allow for easy make up application either . I look like a Labrador with biscuit crumbs stuck in it's fur .
For years and years , I stuck " be high maintenance " at the top of my new resolutions list ( and there was an actual paper list ,large ) .I longed to be those girls who always looks "together " ,make up ,tan ,nice hair . I've watched endless beauty videos on youtube ,read the blogs but I know it'll never be me .I just don't have the fundamentals to start with or the wherewithal to simply buy everything I would need to look remotely like that. Which would be a cosmetics warehouse and several *cough*many*cough* procedures. Top to toe ,oh it's all planned when I get my lottery win .
There isn't a lot I don't fail that really , as discussed here .I decided to go on a small diet this week , knowing I couldn't lose that much weight in the time left . Next week, I will wearing this dress :
Lets just say there is even less of it than this picture alludes to . It was a seriously tight spanxs or no food situation ,at least not carbs for 10 days . Then I researched the "master cleanse " the celebrity fix for losing lots of weight quickly. It seemed like a great idea ,that was in till I did some research and figured out it just gives you an explosive bottom.
I even bought a load of lemons well it turns out lemons ,water,pepper and maple is disgusting who knew? ,seriously I couldn't even finish a glass let alone 12 ! . My mum is now making lemon meringue pie with the remaining lemons . A healthy alternative,I think you'll agree .So next it was no" carbs before marbs" ,that should be easy right? I ate a doughnut for breakfast on the first morning . I astound myself will how ridiculous I am .
So instead ,I shall be waddling up to my friends wedding reception with fat falling from spanx , a downy face and a stray grey hair or two because I'm not prefect and never I will be ,no matter how much I try . Come and get me boys!
*spelling and grammar disclaimer .I writethese late and my spelling + Grammar are terrible trying daylight hours ,so forgive me if i'm not Shakespeare
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